Mothering ourselves: nurturing with kindness and care
- Pili Rivera
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
In the UK, March is often associated with Mother’s Day, a time that can bring up many emotions. For some, it’s a moment of celebration and gratitude. For others, it may stir up longing, grief, or mixed feelings. Wherever we are in the world, the theme of mothering is universal — and so is the invitation to explore how we can nurture ourselves with kindness and care.
If the word mothering feels uncomfortable or distant, I invite you to stay with me. This reflection isn’t only about our mothers, but about discovering ways to care for ourselves with kindness, whatever our history may be.
When we hear the word mothering, many of us think of the tender love, patience, and protection we associate with a mother figure. For some, this brings warm memories. For others, it may stir up pain or longing. Whether or not our own mothers were present or nurturing, the truth is that as adults we all carry a need for tenderness and care. This is where the practice of self-mothering becomes essential.
I was blessed with a beautiful relationship with my mum. She wasn’t only my mother but also my best friend. She had this way of listening with her whole heart — her kind ear was always open, her advice always gentle, her love unconditional. Since she passed away, I miss her deeply, especially those small but powerful reminders of love she offered me, even through her funny phrases (she had the best sense of humour and a big, contagious laugh!) that could instantly lift my spirits. In moments of challenge, I often hear her words echoing inside me, and they become a source of comfort — a way of mothering myself through her memory.
Mothering ourselves in daily life
We can weave small acts of care into our everyday routine. Note that it doesn't require big gestures. For example:
Giving ourselves permission to rest without guilt, even if only for a few minutes in a busy day.
Listening to ourselves with kindness, as we would to a loved one, when we notice inner criticism or pressure.
Offering ourselves simple comforts, like making a cup of tea, lighting a candle, or stepping outside for fresh air.
Naming our emotions instead of pushing them away: saying to ourselves “I’m tired,” “I’m sad,” or “I need a break.”
Speaking tender words to ourselves that we may have longed to hear as children: “I’m here with you,” “You are enough,” “You don’t have to do this alone.”
Each of these gestures, however small, is a way of caring for ourselves with tenderness: recognising our need for gentleness and choosing to respond with care rather than judgement.
But self-mothering is not only about recreating what we once received. It is also about recognising what we still need today. Sometimes it’s a soft inner voice that reassures us when life feels heavy. Other times it’s giving ourselves permission to rest, to feel, or to ask for help. And importantly, nurturing ourselves is not limited to those of us who had positive experiences with our mothers. For some, this love might have come from a grandmother, an aunt, a teacher, or a friend. And for others, it may be something they deeply missed and are now learning to give themselves.
Mothering ourselves is not a luxury — it is resilience. It is a practice of holding ourselves with kindness so that we can meet the world with greater steadiness and compassion.
A gentle practice for mothering ourselves: Hand on heart
I invite you to try this simple yet powerful practice, adapted from Kristin Neff’s supportive touch exercise. As always, please approach it with kindness and only as much as feels right for you:
Find a comfortable position, sitting or standing. If it feels okay, take one or more slow, deep breaths.
Place one hand gently over your heart. You might notice the warmth or the natural rhythm of your breath beneath your palm.
If placing your hand on your heart doesn’t feel supportive, you could rest your hands in your lap, hold one hand with the other, or even place a hand on your cheek (this one was a game changer for me!). Explore what feels most comforting.
Take a moment to offer yourself kind words, perhaps something you long to hear: “I’m here for you.” or “May I be kind to myself in this moment.”
Stay with this gesture for a few breaths, allowing yourself to sense the possibility of care and tenderness from within.
Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to do this. It’s an invitation to discover how a simple gesture might shift your inner experience.
For your journal ✍️
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The path of mothering ourselves
Mothering ourselves doesn’t mean replacing the love we once received or wish we had received. It means recognising that within us lies the capacity to nurture, soothe, and care for our own hearts. It is something always available to us. Sometimes it will be through memories of loved ones, sometimes through simple practices like placing a hand on the heart. Wherever we begin, the path of mothering ourselves is about remembering that we, too, are deserving of kindness and care. Every gesture, every tender word, and every mindful pause is a way of mothering ourselves in the present.
If this reflection resonates with you, I invite you to join my newsletter, A Kindfulness Journey, where I share practices, reflections, and gentle guidance to support your path of mindfulness and self-compassion.
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