The power of self-love: cultivating compassion in everyday life

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been my own harshest critic. Whenever things didn’t go as planned, I would replay the moments again and again, spiralling into perfectionism and rumination. My body carried the weight of this self-criticism too—tightness in my chest, lingering headaches, and sometimes seeking warmth and comfort in my favourite foods, like chocolate cake, when the shame felt too heavy to bear.

Perhaps you’ve noticed something similar in your own life—how self-criticism can act like an unforgiving boss inside your mind. Sometimes it even echoes the "greatest hits" of phrases we heard growing up at home, or it takes the shape of unhelpful beliefs on repeat: Why do you always make the wrong choice?”, “There’s something wrong with me”, “I’m not good enough.” Sound familiar?

This constant inner criticism doesn’t just affect our performance at work. It also seeps into our relationships and family life, draining our energy and leaving little space for care, joy, or tenderness.

Discovering self-love through self-compassion

A turning point came years ago when I joined a mindfulness course in Peru. It was there that I first encountered the work of Kristin Neff. One idea struck me deeply: common humanity. The reminder that suffering is not a personal flaw but a shared experience. Everyone struggles, everyone falls short, and everyone longs for kindness and care. Realising I wasn’t alone helped me begin—slowly—to soften.

Kristin Neff describes three components of self-compassion. The first is mindfulness—recognising our pain in the present moment, without denial or exaggeration. Then comes common humanity, the reminder that we are not alone in our struggles. Finally, there is self-kindness—offering ourselves the same warmth we would extend to a dear friend.

These ideas may sound simple, yet living them in daily life can be profoundly transformative.

A gentle practice

One way I return to these three elements is through the self-compassion break. This short practice invites us to pause, acknowledge what is difficult, remember we are not alone, and offer ourselves a phrase of kindness such as “May I be gentle with myself.”

It doesn’t require silence, meditation cushions, or even much time. You can try it at your desk, in the car, or before bed. Over time, it becomes a portable way to meet life’s challenges with more softness.

If you’d like to explore the full step-by-step version of this practice, I’ve shared a guided audio of the Self-Compassion Break on my Substack, A Kindfulness Journey. You can listen to it here.

For your journal ✍️

If you’d like to take this reflection further, here are some gentle prompts for your journal:

• What’s one kind phrase I could say to myself when things don’t go as planned?

• What small act of self-care could I include in my week, even if it’s just five minutes?

• When I notice tension in my body, what gentle reminder could help me pause and breathe?

Self-love is not a luxury, nor is it a passing trend—it’s essential for our well-being. By softening our inner critic, we create space for balance, resilience, and connection. The journey isn’t always easy—it still isn’t for me at times—but every small act of kindness plants a seed for a gentler way of living.

👉 Would you like to continue exploring these practices together? I warmly invite you to join A Kindfulness Journey on Substack—a supportive community of women embracing mindfulness, self-compassion, and Radical Forgiveness. Together, we can remind one another that kindness is not optional; it’s a way of life.