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How self-compassion can help you beat stress

Writer's picture: Pili RiveraPili Rivera
Blond middle-aged woman wearing glasses, in her white living room, with her laptop open.

Being honest, life after 40 can feel like a never-ending juggling act. Between work, family, and the constant pressure to "do everything perfectly," it's easy to feel stressed out and overwhelmed.


And January can amplify that pressure. It's the time of the year when we focus on fresh starts and perhaps even ambitious goals, but those resolutions often crumble, leaving us feeling discouraged and defeated. When it comes to building healthy habits, that familiar cycle of striving and self-criticism can make it even harder to stay consistent.


But what if there was a gentler approach, a kinder one?


Let's talk about self-compassion. It's the key to softening the voice of our inner critic while creating a supportive inner space where you can thrive.


Why self-compassion matters (especially now)


As women over 40, we face unique challenges:


  • Hormonal shifts: Our bodies are changing, and that can impact our energy levels, mood, and motivation.

  • Increased responsibilities: We're often multitasking more than ever before, leaving little time for self-care.

  • Years of self-criticism: Many of us have internalised years of negative self-talk, thoughts that turned into limiting beliefs, making it more difficult to show ourselves kindness. And when those New Year's resolutions don't go as planned, that inner critic can become even louder.


Self-compassion can help us navigate these challenges in a different way. It allows us to acknowledge our struggles without judgement and offer ourselves the same support and understanding we'd give a dear friend.


How to make self-compassion a part of your daily life


  1. Starting with awareness: This is where our mindfulness practice comes in handy. Noticing when you're being hard on yourself. What are you saying to yourself? What words are you using? How does it make you feel? Where can you feel it in your body?

  2. Challenging those thoughts: Asking yourself if you'd say those things to a friend. Replacing negative self-talk with kind, supportive words. You're good enough. You're doing a good job.

  3. Practising self-care: Prioritising activities that nourish you holistically. Taking care of your mind, body, and soul. This could include anything from meditation to a long bath to a walk in nature, if available.

"Self-compassion is a better motivator than self-criticism because it comes from love and not fear." – Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer

Understanding backdraft: The challenge of self-compassion


It's important to acknowledge that practising self-compassion can sometimes be challenging, especially for those of us who have been critical of themselves for a long time. This initial discomfort is often referred to as backdraft.


Backdraft occurs when we try to be compassionate towards ourselves and instead experience negative emotions like shame, guilt, or inadequacy. This can be a sign that we're resisting self-compassion or that we have deeply ingrained negative self-beliefs.


Overcoming backdraft


If you're experiencing backdraft, don't get discouraged. It's a normal part of the process of learning to be kinder to yourself. Here are a few tips for overcoming backdraft:


  • Being patient: It takes time to rewire our thinking patterns and develop new habits.

  • Practising regularly: Consistent practice is key to building self-compassion.

  • Starting small: Don't try to change your self-talk overnight. Start by making small changes, such as replacing one negative thought with a positive one.

  • Being gentle with yourself: Remember, you're on a journey of self-discovery and growth. There will be setbacks along the way, but don't give up.


Beyond self-compassion: The power of Radical Forgiveness


Self-compassion is a beautiful first step, but sometimes we need to go a bit deeper. Old hurts and resentments (towards others and/or ourselves) can keep us stuck in cycles of negativity and victimhood. This is where Radical Forgiveness comes in.


Radical Forgiveness is a methodology focused on releasing those old wounds and choosing to see things differently. It's not about condoning hurtful actions but about freeing ourselves from the pain of the past. By embracing Radical Forgiveness, we open ourselves up to greater peace, healing, and personal growth. Want to know more about how it works, click here.


Ready to dive deeper?


If you're ready to explore the transformative power of self-compassion and Radical Forgiveness, I invite you to connect with me. At Mindful Pili, I offer coaching programs designed to help you:


  • Cultivate self-compassion and "soften" your inner voice

  • Heal old wounds through Radical Forgiveness

  • Develop mindfulness practices for greater peace and well-being

  • Create a life of authenticity and joy



Feel free to send me a message to learn more about how we can work together.


Warm regards,


Pili


 

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. For medical advice or diagnosis, consult a professional.



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