Rediscovering joy: Why play matters for women over 40

By the time many of us reach our 40s, life feels like a never-ending list of responsibilities—career, family, health, caring for others. Somewhere along the way, joy and play disappeared from the list almost without us noticing. I know this from my own journey: there was a time when my days felt efficient but monotonous. Some days looked almost the same, following the routine in a constant "doing mode", and I often felt tired—or even a little bored. I was doing everything “right” but had forgotten how to laugh freely or enjoy small pleasures without guilt.

Does this sound familiar? That quiet sense of “something is missing,” even when everything looks fine on the outside?

Here’s the thing: joy is not frivolous—it’s fuel for the soul. Play is not just for children—it’s profoundly human.

Why play matters for women over 40

Play brings us back into the present moment, much like mindfulness. It wakes up our senses, softens stress, and invites us to experience life with curiosity. Research even shows that joy and play support emotional resilience, creativity, and health.

And yet, many of us dismiss play because it feels unproductive—or even embarrassing. Perhaps you grew up thinking play is only for kids. If that’s you, let this post be your permission slip. Joy doesn’t need to be justified. Allowing ourselves to play is an act of self-compassion and courage.

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When joy feels far away

Of course, there are times when the idea of play feels impossible. Stress, sadness, grief, or exhaustion can make even the thought of joy feel out of reach. If that’s where you are right now, please know this: you’re not doing anything wrong. It’s human to feel this way. It's normal. Grief, in particular, can weigh heavily. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or even a version of yourself you’ve outgrown, joy may feel distant. And that’s okay. Play is not about ignoring grief or pasting on a smile. It’s about allowing a small spark of light in, even in the middle of heaviness.

Play can begin in very small, gentle ways:

• Perhaps listening to one uplifting song, even if you don’t sing along.

• Smiling at a memory that gave you that warm feeling in your heart.

• Watching something that makes you chuckle softly.

• Taking a mindful sip of lemonade or tea.

• Noticing the way sunlight shifts across a room.

Sometimes, joy sneaks in through small cracks, especially when we’re not pushing for it. Allow yourself to open that tiny crack, even for just a moment. That’s enough. And a gentle reminder: you are the expert on yourself. These practices are only invitations. Take what feels supportive, leave the rest. You are always in charge of your own well-being, and even the smallest step—if and when you’re ready—counts.

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Rediscovering joy through the senses 🌞🌸🎶🍓

Here’s how I find joy when I remember to pause and playfully connect with my senses:

• Sight: Sunlight, clear skies, flowers in bloom. Sometimes I stop mid-walk just to notice the colour of a petal or a leaf.

• Sound: My 90s playlist, especially Robbie Williams (any fans out there?). I love singing out loud every song from The Ego Has Landed—often while showering or cleaning the house. It’s my instant mood-lifter.

• Smell: Fresh herbs. Rosemary grounds me, while mint feels refreshing—almost like an invitation back into the present moment.

• Taste: Peruvian berries remind me of home. I also love savouring a mindful sip of cold lemonade in summer—it’s amazing how joyful something so simple can feel when you really taste it. What’s your favourite summer flavour?

• Touch: Feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin (though if it’s a heatwave, I’ll happily enjoy it from indoors!). Other grounding joys: walking barefoot at home, dipping my hands in cool water, or hugging a loved one (though fair warning—on hot days, hugs might be politely declined!).

Joys that don’t cost much

Play doesn’t always mean signing up for something new, though you absolutely can. Pottery class? Walking group? Dance night? Yes, yes, and yes. But we can also find joys in everyday life, in moments that cost nothing and fit right into your routine.

Think about:

• Dancing in the kitchen while dinner cooks.

• Laughing with a friend over a silly voice message.

• Doodling on a notepad.

• Trying out a new recipe just for fun.

• Watching the clouds change shape.

• Sending a playful little message or a meme.

Some days you might feel like exploring a new hobby or joining a group activity. Other days, play might be as simple as humming a tune, pausing to notice something delightful, or even smiling at yourself in the mirror. Both matter. Both count. What matters is not whether the activity is big or small, but your willingness to connect with joy.

Practice: A summer five-senses pause

Try this playful twist on a mindfulness classic:

• See one thing that makes you smile.

• Hear one sound that uplifts you.

• Smell something that feels refreshing.

• Taste something that brings pleasure.

• Touch something that grounds or soothes you.

  
  

It takes less than a minute. And it’s enough to remind you: joy is already here.

For your journal ✍️

• When was the last time I truly played?

• What small joys can I invite into my week?

• Which of my senses connects me most with joy right now?

Before we go

Here’s an important reminder: rediscovering joy doesn’t mean abandoning your responsibilities. It means remembering that laughter, curiosity, and play are food for the soul. They are as essential to well-being as rest or presence.

So here it is: you came into this world to be happy. Play is not a luxury—it’s your birthright. And you can lovingly take charge of inviting it back into your life.

💌 If you’d like to keep exploring, join me on A Kindfulness Journey on Substack where I share weekly reflections and guided meditations to help you bring more joy and presence into everyday life.